Busy, Busy

Brendan and I have spent the last three nights out at my grandmother's house; I have been wanting to post some pictures to my blog, but she doesn't have a computer or access to the Internet.

Truthfully, I feel worn out right now! The past few days have been busy. busy, busy...for my standards, anyway. Brendan finished his last day of second grade yesterday and he couldn't be more excited. This has been one long year, but Brendan excelled well and stayed on the honor roll, despite having a few 'bumps in the road'.

Wednesday evening I stayed up ;ate making cookies for Brendan's end of the year party that his second grade had at the skating rink on Thursday. I was so happy that I felt well enough to go, if you would have asked me sometime a week or so ago, if I would have felt up to it, I probably would have thought you had lost your mind, but God IS good! Brendan had a good time at the skating rink, even though he was SO wound up. The kids had skate races and foot races and they did all kind of other fun things for three and a half hours! Afterwards, we loaded up and went to eat lunch at Fatz, our 'go to' place to eat. Brendan and I didn't get in bed until really late Thursday evening, we stayed up late playing board games, ha! But Brendan didn't mind too much when I accidentally got us out of the bed at 6:30 a.m. Friday morning; I thought it was 7:30, ha!

Friday was Brendan's last day of school, so after we ate our breakfast, I realized that I had not even got his teacher a gift, so we left early that morning and stopped at Wal-greens on the way to school so that I could pick his teacher up a gift card; I got her one to Bath and Body works and another one to Barnes and Noble, she wrote a sweet thank-you note saying how much she loved them! Brendan had a half day on Friday and we ate at Fatz again after school. We spent the rest of the day just hanging out and running a few errands.

We had plans to wake up really early this morning to go pick strawberries and we did wake up early, around 6:30 (again, not planned), but I was SO exhausted that I laid back on the couch and rested, while I watched TV with Brendan with my eyes half open until after 10 o'clock. We finally made to the strawberry patch around noon and met up with my two nieces, Jayla and Ansley and my mom. It was SO hot out there that I couldn't hardly stand it. My mom ended up taking one for the team and walked the fields with Brendan and Ansley as they picked buckets of strawberries. Elliot Farms is where we went to pick them at and they grow SO much more than strawberries and they even have a petting farm and other neat things. The last time I visited EF, the strawberry field was right in front of the farm house, well, when we went to today, we found out that they had moved it about a half a mile away! There was just no way that I could walk that far and then stand out in the hot sun, so my grandma, Jayla and I ended up sitting on the front porch of the farm house while I tried to take pictures. Also, we enjoyed some homemade strawberry ice cream before we got ready to go. I bought some fresh vegetables from the farm as well and am roasting them tonight and I also have some in the crock pot cooking with the pork loin I am making for dinner; I'm making pork loin, roasted red potatoes and vegetables, corn and garlic bread, it should be good!

Right now, I wish I could just curl up on the sofa and watch movies, but that can't happen, ha! I have a wild little boy running around with my niece, Ansley and they are watching the Nationwide NASCAR race, plus, I have constructive things I should be doing, like making my bed. My sheets and comforter have been laying on my bedroom floor for days while we have been gone.

I know this is picture overload, BUT I'm just glad that I finally got them posted. I hope everyone is having a great weekend; try to stay cool! :)

Yummy cookie pops I made :)

Two of the things Brendan gifted me a few days before Mother's Day. He decorated this cake at school for me and also gave me these flowers. I haven't taken pictures of my other gifts yet.

Bless her heart, she was SO tired that she fell asleep on the coffee table,  ;)

Ansley's hair after her aunt Kelly "fixed" it lol ;)

How pretty?! ;)

Brendan having fun at his end of the year party

Brendan's teacher and I...I think she was laughing as this picture was taken, ha ;)

My grandma and I

Love him!

Ready to eat

I guess "some" kids didn't realize that it was time to say the blessing ;)

Getting ready to race. It looks like "someone's" child was trying to get a head start ;)

Take off!

The girls foot race...goodness, it looks as if some of these girls were brutal...

The boys foot race

and Brendan's winning by a hair ;)

I love sweet Jillian, she is always so loving!

Brendan with his teacher and I. I was talking during this picture, trying to tell someone how to use my camera, lol ;)

Sweet Emma and I. She is also really sweet and I have known her since she was just two months old :)

Brendan surprised me with this sweet note while we were eating at Fatz. I think I will frame it and keep it forever :)

Brendan wanted to take my picture so I surprised him and made this crazy face, lol ;)

My friend Shelly and our kids, Pierce, Zane and Brendan :)

This picture cracks me up! It looks as if I am about to whip Brendan, but I had just flipped my hair back as the picture took---> giggles ;)

Bless his heart, he was SO tired. This was after he just got out for his last day of second grade, he was exhausted!

Right outside of Fatz, I think he really could have fallen asleep on this bench ;)

I think this face means, "mom, please quit taking pictures" ;)

Mama, Ansley and Brendan (you can't see his face, but he's in the middle) riding back from picking strawberries

I love these two! They may fight like cats and dogs sometimes but they love each other :)

We had a good time!

Because of You

I'm almost afraid to write this post because it seems as if everytime I have something nice to post or if I happen to have some good news, it backlashes and I begin to take several steps back again. But I'm trusting fully in our God and I'm believing that my healing is His plan and I'm coming to understand His purpose. I have definitely grown in my weakness and throughout this journey I have certainly learned the importance of not taking a single thing or moment for granted. That's not to say that I am a perfect mom, daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin or friend, but I am so much more aware of how precious life is and how fast it can slip by us all. You just never know what may happen in life, from one moment to the next. No matter what may happen to me or where this journey may lead me in the near future, I will continue to trust and praise Him even when I have trouble understanding His will.

I began blogging two and half years ago, I'm so thankful that I turned my first blog into a book because it ended up accidentally getting deleted when my laptop got hacked at Macon State. I immediately began blogging here at KellyBren.com starting February 2011. I plan on creating a blog book every new year so that I'll always have a hard copy of it. I created my blog to journal the lives of mine and Brendan's, but I never in a million years thought anyone else would want to read my little blog and I certainly never imagined that I would gain so much support via my blog. I never take anyone's words of encouragement for granted and I truly read all my messages and emails and comments that people send in response to my blog posts. This means the world to me and has definitely put many smiles on my face even when I was suffering a very great deal. Along with prayers, family and friends have also been kind and generous enough to reach out and show support by sending me cards, where people truly opened up and shared their sweet hearts; people have also sent sweet gifts and flowers and gift baskets full of goodies. I'm certainly not deserving of the prayers and things sent my way and I never understand why so many people would want to take the time to open up and share their words with me.

I feel like I owe SO many people a great deal, when I was in the hospital the first thing I did was walk right down to the gift shop and bought the last packs of thank-you notes they had. I began to start on them right away but it didn't take long for things to take a turn for the worse and my disease got so out of hand that I could barely function, it basically took everything in me to just get through the day, I couldn't even eat and my pain was excruciating and I was requiring around the clock pain control, yet I still never quite reached a level where I was comfortable. Once I came home, daily life was NOT like a stroll in the park by any means and I continued to struggle with pain control and I tried my best to heal, at a very slow pace, there were many moments of discouragement, but I continued trying so hard to help things progress, even when most things seemed so far out of my control. I knew I couldn't lean on my own understandment, or else I would have literally driven myself out of my mind and I wasn't willing to go there.

This journey has been long and the battle has been very hard and has definitely taught me so much about myself and so much more. As you might know, on Friday I blogged about my home care nurse coming out to my house and how she told me that my abdominal insicion looked awful, she was very serious and scary in the way that she reiterated how my wound looked. She kept saying, "oh my gosh, oh my gosh, Kelly, I don't want to lie to you but this looks terrible", she then went and got my mom and proceeded to tell her how awful the insicion looked, in her opinion. She went as far to say that I may even have sepsis, because she said that there was infection under the muscle. After the nurse left my house, she called my surgeon and proceeded to tell them what she saw and then she called and said that if she were me, she would already be at the emergency room at Emory, seeking treatment.

I'm not going to lie, she scared me to death. But going to Emory this past weekend just wasn't an option and I didn't feel sick at all. I didn't run a fever all weekend, I was in little pain, my insicion was draining very little, I just felt better than I have felt since I had undergone surgery. I felt very encouraged because it seemed as if everyone's prayers were working and God was answering prayer. I decided that I was going to trust in Him, I honestly felt as if God was healing me, even though I had a nurse telling me something quite the contrary.

I was even able to write a lot more of my thank-you notes this weekend, and this was something that was very important to me ever since I was first admitted into the hospital. I only have a few more to write and it's such a pleasure to finally be almost done writing these. After everyone's prayers and inspiration and encouragement and kind words and the way people have opened up and shared there hearts with me, I am feeling better and I almost feel honored to be able to send these out. I can't imagine where I would be without everyone's support.

Last night and this morning, I let anxiety get the best of me. I was so very worried about my appointment this morning, I was afraid that my surgeon was going to agree with the homecare nurse and therefore I would be admitted into the hospital, despite the fact that I was feeling better. I didn't get much sleep last night and my heart raced all the way to Atlanta this morning. However, once I removed my dressing from my insicion, the nurse and surgeon walked in and looked at it and said my insicion looked great! My surgeon said that the homecare nurse from Macon probably had not seen many wounds like mine before and therefore didn't quite know how to diagnose or treat it. My surgeon also stated that there never was infection under the muscle, she said that the yellowish substance under the muscle (that led the nurse to believe it was sepsis) was in fact, fatty tissue, not infection. Also, I had more drainage the day that the nurse was here because we were using a different packing that caused more drainage. There were several other factors that proved against infection from what the nurse from homecare observed. I'm not upset at the nurse AT ALL, I would much rather be safe than sorry, but gracious, she had me a little scared.

You have no idea how much it means for me to be able to do normal things with Brendan and to be able to love on him and keep up with him...I could go on and on. Brendan gets out of school for summer this week and he has SO many fun things going on this week at school and I am more than fortunate to be able to be part of it. If you would have even asked me last week if I would have been able to participate in these activities, I would have just laughed. You have no idea how much this means to me and to Brendan. His face continued to light up this weekend as we slowly brought our lives back to what were used to...it was priceless.

I may not have been the best at responding to messages or comments or emails, but please understand why, for awhile it took everything in me just to function throughout each day. Thank-you notes WILL definitely be going out this week and I WILL be responding to my emails and messages. I feel so blessed to finally get the chance to catch up.

Because of you, taking the time out of your day to pray for encourage me, I'm sitting here with my family, writing the words to this post. If it weren't for you and God's power, these words on here would not be written. Thank you to the moon and back!

A Good Weekend

Despite being told that I had a possibility of infection in my abdominal insicion, I have felt better this past weekend than I have felt since I had surgery. I have been getting around better and my appetite is almost back to normal; I'm eating meals instead of just picking at my food. Although, the quantity of food than I'm able to eat at a time is still kind on the smaller side, but it's getting better, I've never been able to eat huge meals at one sitting, anyway.

Friday, Brendan, Kasey and I went to Wal-mart and then we came home and vegged out on all kind of snacks and played games. We stayed up SO late and when Brendan woke me up at 8:15, I felt like a zombie, I ended up just laying around until about 10:15 or so and then around 1 p.m. Brendan, Ansley, my mom and grandparents went to the second annual racer's reunion here in Middle Georgia. Brendan has been looking forward to this event since last year and he had such a great time meeting and getting to talk with all the retired NASCAR drivers and getting to see all the neat cars and stuff, they seemed to have had a whole lot going on out there on Saturday. Brendan didn't get home until late because mid-afternoon a guy called about a car he was selling my mom and my mom figured that she could just swing by and pick the car up but that wasn't the case. It took a couple of hours because the place was slam packed, but thankfully she got her car, because her old car was literally on its last leg. Saturday evening my granny came over and brought me some homemade soup (that I had been craving) and come to find out, she bought her a car that same afternoon (the same kind as my mom), so I guess that was a popular day for car buying.

Brendan was excited because the NASCAR All-star race was Saturday night and his favorite driver did pretty good. Brendan then went to bed around 11:30 or so and then I couldn't fall asleep for anything. I ended up sleeping on the couch because Ansley spent the night and Brendan and Ansley both decided to sleep in my bed and I literally got kicked out; Ansley had her leg in my belly and that just wasn't comfortable. So, I slept on and off that night and then finally woke up around 7a.m. Sunday morning and then hung out on the sofa and watched TV with Brendan until about 10. Brendan and I went to Wal-mart later that afternoon, is it sad when the highlight of your weekend is going to Walmart? Although, it did feel good to finally able to get out and not feel as if it were a chore. Brendan had a project due today, so we had to get supplies for that (nothin like waiting until the last minute, right?) and we went home and worked on that for awhile and then we just hung out and had a little fun until it was bedtime. Even though it was late when we finally got settled in and in the bed, at least this is the last week of school and they don't have too much going on. I can't wait for summertime! I love not having an agenda and being able to just "go with the flow of things".

I pray that because I have been feeling much better, my surgeon won't want to keep me in the hospital for IV antibiotics. My mom used to do wound care as a profession and she says that my insicion is looking better, so, hopefully, my doctor will agree. It really seems as if everyone's prayers are helping me so much! There are never enough words to explain how fortunate I am for everyone's prayers and support, they truly make my heart smile! I hope everyone has a happy week and if you can, will you please say an extra prayer for a good report at Emory tomorrow, I would appreciate that so much!

Dwelling in the Land

It seems like have had a (hopefully) small set-back. I'm praying that I will not have too bad of a report come Tuesday when I go to Emory, I know God heals and can perform miracles. The verses I typed out on this post are an encouragement to me, as well.

1. I'm full of anxiety right now. Most know that I just had surgery for my crohn's disease and if you read my last post, you know that I have an appointment with wound care this Tuesday. Well, my home care nurse came out yesterday and told me that my abdominal insicion looked awful and it looks like there might be infection under the muscle. She also said that if she was me that she would go directly to the EC at Emory and get evaluated. Um, yeah, that would be great but Emory just isn't a short jump from my house. I'm going to try and wait it out until Tuesday but if things get worse then we'll just do what we need to do. I wish that there were somewhere locally to get checked out at, but that's just not the case; no other surgeon is going to want to go behind another surgeon's "work".

However, I'm trying to lean on His understanding and know that our God isn't going to forsake me.

Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you"

Ephesians 3:20-21 says, "He is able to do immeasurably more than we all ask or imagine, a according to His power that is within us, to Him be the glory in church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever, amen."

He is able to do more than we could ever imagine! That's what I keep telling myself and leaning on...

2. I haven't taken a shower in two days. Gross, I know, but it's on the agenda for today. Until you have numerous bandages on and dressings on your belly, don't judge...it's tougher than it looks... ;)

3. I still haven't finished all of my thank-you notes or sent any of them out since I have been in the hospital BUT I have many, many of them and it seems like everyday something comes up or I just don't have it it in me... This is on my internal agenda as well...

4. I'm so not ready for the blazing heat that Georgia has to offer in the summertime. Hibernating seems more and more ideal lately.

5. I still feel like a 50 year old lady. With my joints being so achy and me recovering from surgery, I certainly don't feel like a girl in my mid-twenties. I guess I'm just not used to having any kind of procedure or surgery related to Crohn's and not being able to just bounce back. My, I sound like a broken record, but this is just life right now.

6. I'm not too proud or prideful to say that mine and Brendan's weekend will probably consist of playing the Wii a majority of the weekend. Don't hate. Who says you can't bond over playing electronic Monopoly?

7. Anxiety is creeping up on me now, again for fear of being admitted into the hospital. Because of the infection, I'm scared that I will have to be on IV antibiotics.
Ah...He is able to do more than we could ask or imagine...

8. I can't lie and say that these are the happiest times...because they are certainly not. I can't tell you how much guilt I feel throughout the day, mainly for obvious reasonings concerning Brendan. I'm not able to do normal things and I worry about how he takes all this in. But at the end of the day I just thank God for providing me with a village of amazing people. They say it truly takes a village to raise a child and for me that couldn't be any truer. While, I may be dwelling, Brendan continues to thrive because of amazing family members, without them I can't imagine how this recovery would play out, there probably wouldn't even be a recovery. More than anything, I earnestly pray to God throughout the day for those who help me with my Brendan, as much as I would like to be the one fully in charge, taking care of all of his needs, I realize that right now it's just not possible. I know that this time of dwelling won't last forever, this time will pass. Again, I lean on His promise to never leave my side.

God says, "My grace is suffient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."...Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me
2 Corinthians 12:9

I guess this is it. I know there's nothing exciting going on but this is kind of like my personal journal and I like to have posts like this to look back on. Maybe one day I will be able to look back at what I have overcome. If you're reading this, please continue to pray. You have no idea how much your prayers mean to me and have helped me throughout this time. I knew from the start that this wouldn't be easy. Truthfully, I'm happy that there was no real way for me truly know how hard this would be, for then I don't know if I could have agreed to this hardship. However, I'm still happy with the decision that I made, and I have high hopes of a remission from Crohn's. I understand that it can take many months or even up to a year to recover from this and I'm still figuring out how to live with all the changes that have come from this. I know I will adapt and life will slowly return to normal, it is just going to take time, patience (God, please help me with this), and many prayers. Thank you all for following my journey and being here...it means more than you know.

I can do anything through Him who gives me strength-- Phillipians 4:13

Mother's Day...and random updates

I know this is late but better late than never. Mother's Day was this past Sunday and it was simple and sweet. I wasn't feeling my best and had very little energy but I enjoyed the day, regardless. Brendan was very wild (more than usual) the morning for some reason, so I spent the earlier part of the day trying to get him to calm down. Maybe it was because he was confined inside, we had some bad weather come in that morning, so we all had to stay in...and that's something Brendan doesn't like. He's definitely an outside boy!

I still haven't uploaded my pictures to the computer from my SD card, but Brendan gifted me with cards, flowers, a bathrobe, a flower pot that he made at school with hand picked flowers and a huge Bath and Body Works gift basket filled with sweet smelling things. Or should I say sour? Brendan smelled everything in the entire store and his MeMe said that he picked that particular fragrance because it smelled sour and he liked sour, ha! The scent is called "carried away" and it does smell a little "tart" but I like it and it was Brendan's favorite.

We celebrated by going over to my grandma's house and opening gifts and eating Church's, although I picked up a Wendy's baked potatoe on the way. I tried my best to enjoy the time spent over at my grandma's as best as I could, but I was very fatigue and weak feeling and just didn't really have it in me to be social.

I'm just beginning to feel somewhat "normal" this week, or these past few days. I was able to get out just a little bit, to pick Brendan up from school and to eat at Stevie B's, but once I returned home, I was worn out. This week I slept in my bed for the first time since surgery, my bed is really high up, so it was too hard to get in and out of. It does feel great to be back in my own bed.

The Saturday before Mother's Day, I ended up in the ER. When my mom went to repackage my insicion on Friday night, she noticed that my stitches had come undone (maybe tmi?) and so she called home health on Saturday and the nurse told us to get to the emergency room because the doctor may need to re-stitch it, thankfully they didn't have to, though. It was weird, when I first arrived, the triage nurse told me that I should have probably waited and went to Emory (where I had my surgery) because no other doctor was going to want to touch my insicion, he said that was how doctors ended up on the news, whatever that means? But when the doctor saw it, he said that it looked good and didn't needed re-stitching, which made me really happy. He was also very kind and remembered me and told me that I was his favorite...maybe I need to get sick more often, ha! Jk!

I'm still seeing home care a few times a week and I will see therapy one more time before I'm discharged on Friday. I also have a (dreadful) appointment with wound care coming up that I'm not looking forward to, they're probably going to have to clean out my insicion and that just doesn't sound pleasant feeling at all.

Seriously, if I would have known before surgery, how much it would take out of me, I'm not sure I could have agreed to go ahead with it. It's been three weeks and I'm just coming to. The pain is 20 times worse than I thought it would be. I'm no longer having to take my strong pain meds, methadone and dilaudid everyday, I thought I would have much more energy after coming off of those meds but that hasn't really been the case, I guess everyday I make small improvements and I just need to be more patient? Right now is weird, I have my days and nights mixed up, I took a late nap yesterday and didn't wake up until 3a.m. and then didn't go back to sleep until close to 7 a.m. and I slept most of the day today...I hate when this happens. My appetite is still awful, I'm only able to eat a tiny bit of food each day, it's not enough to amount to anything really. Today I made myself eat a Stouffer's lasagna and that's the most I've eaten in one sitting since my surgery. And this is probably why I don't have much energy...

I pray that I continue to make small strides, so that I'm better equipped to take care and keep up with my Brendan. I think he's noticing me getting better and that makes him happy. He has been very helpful lately. I can't believe that he only has five more days of school until he's a third grader! Time flies by so fast :/

For My Sweet Mom

This post is for my sweet Mama, I love her to bits and pieces and in my opinion, I truly believe that Kimberly, Kasey and I won the Ultimate Mom Lottery. Here are just a few reasons as to why I can honestly say, my mom is the equivalent to SuperMom.

1. Growing up, my dad didn't play such a big part in raising me as my parents divorced when I was just five years old. So, my mom raised three (wild) kids as a single parent, she was always our mom and our "dad". And if I say so myself, she did a damn good job of picking up his slack! Go MOM!

2. Mama always allowed all three of us to be ourselves. She never once tried to turn us into something that we weren't. My sisters and I are all spirited very differently and we have our mom to thank for this. We aren't cookie cutter images of each other, we each have our very own personality and character. I'm fortunate that my mama didn't try to mold us into anyone else, she allowed us to mold ourselves into who we are now.

3. My mom has supported all three of us, through the good times, the okay times and the ugly times, she never left our side whenever we needed her and even though SO much (more than she deserves) gets thrown at her plate, she would never have it any other way. She always knows the answers to every problem or circumstance we've gone through in life and there will never be enough words to thank her appropriately for standing by our side. No matter what kind of curve ball life seems to throw at us at times, I have confidence in knowing that she's always got my back. Truthfully, without my mom, I can't even imagine where I would be or what kind of shape I would be in right now without her help, love, compassion and support as I've battled a long journey with Crohn's disease this year. She continues to wait on me hand and foot as she also helps take care of Brendan for me at this time and she also watches both of my small nieces on a daily basis. I can for sure say that my mom is my better half.

4. There have been several times when my mom and I have gone back and fourth when it comes to my treatment with Crohn's disease, but at the end of the day, I can always appreciate her because of the fact that she DOES care about my treatment with this disease. What if I had a mother who didn't have any say or any concern for my health? I don't know the answer to that question, because I DO have a mom who is very determined when it comes to my health care decisions. Again, we may not always see eye to eye, and I may get upset when I feel as if she is not agreeing with my plan of treatment, but when it comes down to it, I'm completely honored to have a mom who is so involved in my life, even though I am her "grown-up" baby ;)

5. My mom has always raised the three of us girls in a way that we've learned to value the importance of family. Our family is super close and I wouldn't want it any other way. I've grown up with my aunts and cousins and grandparents living so close to us and each of us being very involved in one another's lives as we support one another throughout life.

6. My mom is completely self-less, I've never known her to put herself before she puts her family. At times, I feel guilty about this and beg her to please do something for herself, but when we were growing up it was all about her three girls and now it's all about her three grand kids, who she truly loves to the end of the earth. She deserves the world for all she does for us and how she always holds our family together, we would be broken without Mama.

7. My mom is so genuine and always has been. She's truly confident in who she is and would never change for anyone. I love her laughter and her (loud) southern drawl more than just about anything. She also appreciates the "simple life" and that's how she lives her life. I'm happy that she's also raised us in a way to be grateful for the smaller things in life.

8. My mom is definitely a "Ms. Fix-It", anytime I need help working on something, mom always comes to my rescue. Whether if it's something around the house or the car, she always knows what to do...and if she doesn't, she just bangs it pretty hard and that usually helps more than anything else. ;)

9. Mama's also gotten pretty good at giving "constructive criticism". Whenever I do something completely wrong, she's good at giving great advice on how to fix whatever it is that I've done, so that I (hopefully) won't make the same mistake twice. Yes, there are times when she can vent like it's going out of style, but usually it's her giving us girls her advise in a nice, effective way.

10. And last but certainly not least, I love that my mom has such a love for our Jesus. She has been such an inspiration to me as she's become a sweet part of her church family. I love that she always has her church members lifting me up in prayer and they are always happy to go above and beyond in caring for me and my needs. My mom's pastor, Luther, actually woke up at 4a.m. and drove to the hospital the day of my surgery so that he could be there to pray over me. Nothing could have been more special in that moment than him doing that. The Sunday following my surgery, my mom even went to the alter and had the pastor anoint her with oil in my honor. This meant SO much to me.

My Mama has the most tender heart and I love her to the moon and back, she brings such sunshine to my life and to SO many others. I'm proud to be able to call her, mom. I'm a blessed girl to have had you always standing beside me throughout life. I love you Mama, more than you know. You have touched the hearts of so many people and you go out of your way to help others and I really respect you for this. Maybe one day I will grow up to be just as fantastic as you are.

I love you, Mama.

Love, Your Kelly

Two Steps Back...

Last night was not a good night. When I laid down to go to sleep, I actually felt fine, I was very tired and couldn't wait to pass out. Well, I woke up all throughout the night in pain; I don't even think I got a full hour of uninterrupted sleep. I felt like I had been ran over by a truck when I finally woke up this morning. And guess what? Lucky me, got to wake up to two lovely home healthcare ladies, who were at my house. I felt like crap when I woke up, there is just no nicer word to describe what I felt like.

Anyways, my mom greeted the ladies at the door and I attempted to get up and go to the bathroom and take my meds. Mom then came to help me change clothes and stuff and after about 10 minutes, I finally arrived in the living room to greet my company from home care. Before I came out to the living room, I begged my mom if they could PLEASE just "look" at things, instead of actually doing any kind of dressing changes or anything. Mom just kind of gave me a look that pretty much meant that I was out of my mind. I was hurting SO bad, worse than I had all weekend and really didn't want to be messed with first thing in the morning. But whatever, I sucked it up and laid down on the sofa and I clenched up as the two ladies gathered their long Q-tips, gauze packs, tapes, adhesive removers, scissors, Masalt packing strips and all their saline sprays. I clinched my teethies as they accessed everything and spoke on how my skin surrounding the tubing, looked infected and then I pinched my chest as they pulled all the tape and bandages off of my insicions (ouch!), then they continuously sprayed their (almost)freezing saline spray directly into my raw wounds and insicions. I know that were trying to be gentle, but I guess it's not gonna exactly feel like a tickle no matter how gentle you are. Once the two nurses were finished removing bandages and tape and had cleaned everything up, I was really hoping that my mom would be the one doing the packing for my insicion that's on the very bottom of my belly. That cut is wide and the insicion is deep, it takes about a foot of packing strips to pack it in just right.

Unfortunately, my mom didn't get to take out and change my packing, my mom knows how to get the packing in very fast and she can do it without putting too much pressure down in my insicion, it doesnt burn or sting at all when she does it, that's why i was hoping she would be the one doing the change this morning. But, the nurse in training was the one who did the change today because she was a student and needed to learn, which made me very nervous. I'm all about having student nurses and residents care for me in the hospital and such, it's just that this morning I was very sick, I was hurting bad and their is a specific way that the packing change has to be done for it to not burn and sting very badly.

Although, like a little baby, I got all worked up for nothing because the student nurse didn't do too bad of a job, it kind of hurt a little toward the end, but it wasn't bad. I felt a little silly, ;) I hope I'll be able to say the same for tomorrow as well. I have an appointment at Emory with my GI surgeon and I have a few sites on my belly that look a little swollen and infectious and because of that, I'm thinking that my doctor may have to do some prodding and prying in those places and I just dread it. You would think that my pain tolerance would be pretty high by now and really, it is, until it comes down to doing procedures when I'm awake, anything else I can take.

Well, my nurses left late this morning and once they were gone, I curled up on the sofa and tried to get a little more sleep. I haven't really been taking my pain meds like I should be, I just hate the feeling of feeling knocked out, especially when I'm already tired from just having a major operation and of course whenever you have any kind of infection, your body goes into rest mode, as well.

Late this afternoon my physical therapist, Deborah, came by and we did some exercises and things like that. Deborah is SO sweet and we had a fun time with her, we all liked her! After Mrs. Deborah left, my mom went out and picked us up some nachos and tacos and my sister Kimberly and niece, Ansley came over and we had a good night. Of course, it was kinda chaotic, as usual, but that's just our life, HA!

Sorry, this post was rather sporatic, but that's just how my day was, lol. I hope everyone had a good start to the week. I'm about to go get ready for bed, we have to leave really early in the morning in order to get to my appointment at Emory on time. Hopefully, the appointment will go well. :)